Coping After a Negative Pregnancy Test
Nurturing Your Heart After a Negative Test
If you’ve just had a negative pregnancy test, please know that you are not alone in this journey. Millions of women have been there and felt that pain. (And yes we’ve all reached into the bathroom trash can several times - hoping that 2nd line will appear). The emotions you may be experiencing are valid, and it's essential to take gentle care of yourself during this time. Maybe this is the first negative test and the last…maybe it’s the 20th and you’re still hanging in there. Cultivating a mindset of resilience will help carry you through not just the unpredictability of TTCing but life in general - think of resilience as a muscle we use to make us stronger in the face of life’s ups and downs.
Take a Deep Breath
Take a deep mindful breath and acknowledge your emotions without judgment. When feelings of disappointment or sadness arise, take another deep breath and give yourself permission to feel without trying to suppress or change them. Allow yourself to be fully present with your emotions, knowing that they will pass in their own time. This is so important to recognize - we can’t fast-forward through grief - it demands our attention for as long as it lasts.
Cultivate Self-Compassion: Be Kind to Yourself
During stressful times we tend to be hard on ourselves, blaming ourselves or feeling inadequate. Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a dear friend. Self-compassion practices activate the nurturing circuitry of the brain and releases oxytocin - a neurotransmitter that makes us feel better. Difficult challenges can be a part of life, and you are worthy of love and compassion, regardless of the outcome. Repeat after me - “I am worthy of a fulfilling, joyful life.”
Nurture Your Mind, Body, and Spirit
Engage in self-care activities that bring comfort and joy. Whether it's taking a long bath, spending time in nature, or enjoying a favorite treat, prioritize activities that nourish your mind, body and spirit. Remember, you deserve love and care, especially during difficult moments. But be careful not to rely on ‘treats’ / distractions to numb or avoid your feelings - they will just come back to bite you.
Notice Your Thoughts: Let Go of Self-Judgment
Our minds can be filled with self-critical thoughts during stressful times (our tricky brain is stuck in the stress response). Instead of getting caught up in these thoughts and emotions, try to observe them without judgment as if you’re a witness to these thoughts (as if you’re standing at the side of a road watching the cars go by. What do you notice? The ‘you’ that’s watching these thoughts isn’t distressed or upset, that’s the calm, intuitive real YOU. The reactive, distressed you is your mind trying to protect you. Let the thoughts pass like clouds in the sky. Remember that thoughts are not facts, and you have the power to choose how you respond to them.
Seek Support: Share Your Feelings
Reach out to your support system - whether it's your partner, friends, or family members. Your partner may be feeling equally disappointed and upset. Sharing your feelings and experiences with loved ones can provide comfort and reassurance. Consider joining a support group or seeking professional counseling, where you can find more understanding and solace.
Practice Grounding Techniques
When emotions become overwhelming, practice grounding techniques to anchor yourself in the present moment (it’s when our minds wander off to the ‘what ifs’ that keep us locked into the stress response). Focus on your breath, notice the sensations in your body, or engage in an activity that brings you back to the here and now. I find standing barefoot in the yard and breathing deeply helps bring me out of my busy mind and down into my body, feeling the connection with the earth.
A Resilient Mindset = Intentional Action
These simple practices also help our brains work optimally - so you can formulate questions, research options, and talk to experts rationally about your reproductive health and put a plan in place.
Be gentle with yourself and embrace the practice of mindfulness and self-compassion as powerful tools to guide you through this chapter. Know that hope still shines on the horizon, and you are strong and resilient. With each step, you are closer to finding your path, whether it leads to parenthood or a different adventure. You have the power within you to embrace this journey with grace and strength. I’m here standing by your side, cheering you on with love and support. 💕🌟
Tracy
