Stop Infertility Stress Today

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? - Mary Oliver

I’m going to drop some uncomfortable truth bombs today, stick with it.

When dealing with the ups and downs of infertility we can spend so much time and energy trying to control outside circumstances to make us feel better on the inside.. trying to to stop the feelings of stress...trying to stop the feelings of disappointment...the grief. Managing external circumstances such as avoiding family events, isolating ourselves in the hope of protecting our emotions etc can provide some temporary relief but not long term. It’s not a productive coping mechanism. Control the controllables (you can only control your response) don’t waste your time trying to control anything else.

The one guarantee we have in this life is that everything is temporary, nothing stays the same (negative feelings - and positive ones).

But when you’re in the depths of despair it can feel like this difficult season of your life is going to last forever. This leaves you chasing your tail fighting reality trying to control uncontrollables. Constantly trying to manage and manipulate the outside world such as expecting circumstances to be different than they are is like building a house on a foundation of sand.

The external world is constantly changing and yet we get upset that this fact of life happens. Like it or not - it’s a fact of life and fighting against reality will keep you feeling miserable.

It's like trying to manage the flow of the tide or being upset that the tide wasn't doing what you thought it 'should' do. If a friend complained to you that the tide needed to come in at a certain time so they can swim you’d think they were mad. You’d say that was ridiculous (and or insane!) but we do this all the time. Take this example - you’re planning a summer BBQ for friends in your new home and you find yourself telling your partner “I’ll be really annoyed if it rains”. That's exactly what you're doing - just not with the ocean but with your current circumstances around fertility.

When you realize that the only aspect of this journey that is completely within your control is to change your inner world (how you respond to what you cannot control). Then you can stop wasting energy trying to fix the outside world to change how you're feeling.

To be clear I’m not telling you to cancel your IVF but try to loosen the emotional grip the outcome of the IVF has on you.

This awareness puts you back in the driver's seat of your life.

What would you do with all of that energy and resources if you decided today that you will no longer allow uncontrollable external events including infertility to dictate your happiness?

When you think about it we’re here for such a short time - we get 70-80 spins around the sun and then we’re gone. How will you make this time in your life more meaningful.

Imagine the freedom...

A life of less stress.

Less worry.

More energy.

More joy.

With or without a baby.

There’s a saying - ‘whatever you’re not changing you’re choosing’. Now you understand more about the workings of your mind, what will you change? What will you choose?

The Summer Day

Who made the world?

Who made the swan, and the black bear?

Who made the grasshopper? This grasshopper, I mean— the one who has flung herself out of the grass, the one who is eating sugar out of my hand, who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down— who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.

Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face. Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don't know exactly what a prayer is.

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields, which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

—Mary Oliver